Sydney Gay Mardi Gras Bans Everyone: “We’re All Too Offended to Parade!”

Sydney Gay Mardi Gras Bans Everyone: “We’re All Too Offended to Parade!”
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SYDNEY, NSW – In an unprecedented move, the Sydney Gay Mardi Gras organisers have decided to ban not only the NSW Police from participating in this year’s parade but also members of the LGB community, citing concerns over “homophobia” and “exclusionary attitudes.”

The decision comes after mounting pressure from various groups within the LGBTQ+ community, each claiming offense over the inclusion of others. First, it was the NSW Police who found themselves uninvited due to allegations of homophobia, sending shockwaves through law enforcement and leaving parade organizers scrambling for a solution.

However, just when organizers thought they had appeased the outraged masses, another bombshell dropped: the LGB community was being shown the door as well. The reason? Allegations of exclusionary behavior stemming from campaigns like “LGB without the T” and assertions that there are only two genders.

“It’s a minefield out there,” remarked one bewildered organizer who wished to remain anonymous for fear of further backlash. “We thought we were promoting inclusivity by welcoming everyone, but it turns out everyone is offended by someone else. It’s like a real-life game of ‘Whack-a-Mole.'”

The decision to ban both the police and the LGB community has sparked heated debate within the LGBTQ+ community, with some applauding the move as a step toward true inclusivity, while others decry it as censorship gone mad.

“We can’t have homophobes marching alongside us, but we also can’t have people who don’t acknowledge the existence of transgender and non-binary individuals,” said one activist, caught in the middle of the controversy. “It’s a lose-lose situation.”

Meanwhile, members of the public are left scratching their heads, wondering what exactly is allowed at the Mardi Gras anymore. “I was planning on attending with my rainbow flag and a supportive attitude,” said one disappointed reveler. “But now I don’t even know if I’ll be welcome.”

As the parade date approaches, organizers are frantically trying to salvage what’s left of the event. Rumors are swirling that the only participants left will be a lone drag queen on a unicycle, symbolizing the absurdity of it all.

In the end, the Sydney Gay Mardi Gras may go down in history not as a celebration of love and acceptance but as a cautionary tale of how political correctness can spiral out of control, leaving everyone feeling unwelcome and offended.