Groundbreaking Study Reveals Shocking Truth: 100% of Welfare Recipients Die

AUSTRALIA – In a startling turn of events, a comprehensive study has revealed an unsettling truth: the inevitability of death extends to all, even those receiving welfare support. This groundbreaking research has sent shockwaves through society, challenging the assumption that certain individuals may be exempt from the ultimate equaliser.

For years, there has been speculation that welfare recipients possess some secret immunity to the grim reaper’s grasp. However, the study’s findings conclusively debunked this notion, confirming that regardless of one’s financial circumstances or reliance on social assistance, the end comes for everyone.

Dr. Mortimer Mortalis, the lead researcher behind this revelation, expressed surprise at the results. “We embarked on this study with a hypothesis that certain factors, such as interacting with Centrelink, might grant a special exemption from mortality. However, our long-term analysis unequivocally demonstrates that death does not discriminate based on socio-economic status. It seems even welfare recipients are not spared from this universal fate.”

This groundbreaking discovery has left many welfare recipients bewildered, questioning the supposed benefits that society promises them. The news has sparked intense debates among politicians and policymakers, who now face the daunting task of reevaluating the value of welfare programs in light of their inevitable expiration date.

Critics of the study argue that its focus on welfare recipients is unnecessarily divisive, as death is an unavoidable outcome for everyone, regardless of their financial situation. They contend that the study’s real significance lies in its ability to confront society’s collective denial of mortality.

Nevertheless, proponents argue that the study’s impact on welfare policy cannot be ignored. Urgent meetings are being organised to address the implications of this revelation and to consider potential adjustments to welfare programs. Some propose incorporating bereavement support into the welfare system, acknowledging the emotional toll that the awareness of impending death may impose on recipients while others are looking towards AI powered “robo” methods of ensuring better welfare outcomes.