Indigenous Cultural Investigators Go to Great Heights as Man Is Charged for Climbing…a Ladder

Just when we thought the great outdoors were free to roam, recent restrictions on park access and climbing in the Grampians for cultural preservation have left us scratching our heads. Now, a Horsham resident is facing criminal charges for simply minding his own backyard! It seems like every day brings new surprises in the world of outdoor recreation.

The charges? Climbing a ladder to clean his gutters. But it’s not the local authorities who have taken issue with this gravity-defying feat; instead, it’s a group of self-proclaimed “Indigenous Cultural Investigators” who have scaled new heights in the realm of absurdity.

Armed with a humble ladder, a pair of gloves, and a bucket, Bob thought he was prepared for his guttural adventure. Little did he know that he was about to clash with the avatars of cultural preservation. “It’s clear to us that the ladder symbolises the invasive spirit of Western civilisation,” local Aboriginal elder, Reginald Archibald Pembrook-Smythe III, declared with a solemn tone. “By climbing that ladder, and interfering with the natural resting place of the leaves, this man is engaging in cultural appropriation on a vertical scale. It’s an act of aggression against the spiritual balance of our land.”

To demonstrate the seriousness of their mission, the group performed a rather unconvincing rain dance, which mostly involved swaying awkwardly and occasionally checking their smartphones for the weather forecast. Local authorities initially struggled to comprehend the situation but decided to go along with it, primarily because nobody wanted to be accused of being insensitive. As a result, Bob found himself in cuffs, hauled off to the local precinct for what could be a groundbreaking court case.