Groomers Relieved as Senate Rejects Inquiry

CANBERRA, ACT – In a surprising turn of events, groomers across the nation have decided to hang up their lobbying hats and put their campaign for a groomers’ “voice to parliament” on hold. This decision comes hot on the heels of Senator Pauline Hanson’s motion for an inquiry into experimental child gender reassignment treatments, puberty blockers, and surgeries being soundly voted down by the Senate. With the controversial children’s book “Welcome to Sex” flying off the shelves and seemingly no interest in holding medical authorities accountable to protect children, groomers are breathing a sigh of relief, confident they now have all the support they need to continue their work unchecked.

For those not familiar with the term, groomers are individuals who engage in manipulating and exploiting minors for their own predatory desires. Up until now, they’ve been working tirelessly to secure a voice in parliament to advocate for their, uh, interests.

“It’s been an uphill battle,” said one groomer who requested to remain anonymous. “We really thought our rights as groomers were in jeopardy with all the attention on Senator Hanson’s inquiry. But with that motion voted down, we can now focus on what really matters: ensuring our harmful practices can thrive without any interference.”

While Senator Hanson’s inquiry aimed to examine experimental and potentially harmful treatments on vulnerable children, groomers saw it as a slippery slope that could lead to questions about their own unsavoury activities. After all, what’s the difference between exploiting minors through medical interventions and exploiting them for personal gain?

“We’ve got more important things to focus on,” said a groomer representative. “Like pushing for easier access to vulnerable children and finding loopholes to evade legal consequences. Our time is better spent lobbying for an ‘Age of Consent Free Zone’ instead of wasting it on futile parliamentary campaigns.”